


if it's alright i'd like to fall in front of you

by arcadian (miraclesinapril)



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Dirty Talk, Fluff, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:21:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24535306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miraclesinapril/pseuds/arcadian
Summary: Lee Taeyong is sprinting for his pathobiology lecture when a rugby ball thwacks him into the ground and sends him unconscious. Jung Jaehyun is so, so, so fucking sorry. Almost killing your crush is not the best look, is it? But when Taeyong says Jaehyun can make it up to him by getting him a coffee some time, Jaehyun starts to think maybe, just maybe, there’s something to this fate crap Johnny never shuts up about.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Taeyong
Comments: 48
Kudos: 371





	if it's alright i'd like to fall in front of you

**Author's Note:**

> so, hi! i'm kinda scared posting this since i'm baby nctzen and i'm like taking a shot in the dark with these characterizations, lol. we we will learn by trial and error :'D a few things: 
> 
> • a million thanks to my baby angel dany who let me send her snippets and listened to me ramble about this fic and encouraged me at 3am even tho she doesn't even go to ncity. loml behaviour.  
> • and also thank you thank you to my other hero chris for reading the snippets and telling me they didn't suck and basically indulging my jy feels!  
> • title comes from 'your domino' by jessica ware, pretty apt song for the fic i think, so give it a listen if you want :D  
> • please enjoy and forgive any shortcomings, this wasn't beta'd at all, barely proof read, bc we die like (wo)men here

“So, Jaehyun, about that tattoo,” Johnny says suddenly as they all lie in the field, skipping a lecture none of them care for. 

“Yeah, it’s not happening.” Jaehyun shuts him down.

“It’s your turn. You’re only declining because you can’t do it.” Johnny shakes his head, overly forlorn like the dramatic being he is. “Mr. I’m the Best and can’t even withstand a few hours of needle. Pathetic if you ask me.” 

He knows Johnny is just winding him up but Jaehyun raises a sharp brow. 

“Yeah well nobody asked. Besides, when have I not been able to do things?” he challenges, wiggling into a more comfortable position in the grass, “I can do anything.” 

“Sure you can,” Johnny snickers, Yuta makes a similar sound, “so why don’t you try?” 

“Because. I don’t want one. Why else?” 

“No, I think your pillow princess ways are leaking into other aspects of your life. You don’t challenge yourself anymore. Yesterday you skipped an entire set of dumbbell squats.” 

“Yeah, because my ass looks perfect already. I like to be efficient. If you have a perfect car, you don’t go adding dumb shit to it, do you? It’s practically vandalism.” 

“So your booty is a car? Is that what you’re saying right now? And are you really the right person to be talking about being able to do  _ anything?” _

Jaehyun stiffens. “It’s not the same,” he mumbles, picking at the grass. 

“Are you going to tell us what you’re so afraid of? You said yourself he can’t hurt a fly.” 

“I’m not afraid.” 

“Something is obviously holding you back,” Johnny stresses. He may be right, but Jaehyun isn’t going to talk about it today, not with Johnny or anyone. 

“Yeah, maybe, but it’s not fear.” 

Yuta sits up from where he was splayed by Jaehyun’s waist, “Can you two shut up? For just two seconds? We literally came here to nap and you won’t fucking shut up. I have a better idea, how about I take you both to the chaplaincy since you want to argue like you’re forty years into a stale marriage. Hm? How about that?” 

“I will shut up when Jaehyun stops being a coward.”

“Johnny, I can murder you in my sleep.” 

There’s a moment of silence where even Yuta is stumped.

“Anyway,” Johnny dismisses, “What about you, Mark? Care to bite?” 

“I don’t know man, I’m kinda enjoying this.” 

“The bickering?” 

“The sun, dude, the sun. Besides, I don’t want tattoos.” 

Johnny sighs deeply, “Did I ever tell you guys that you’re the most boring people that ever lived? I just want you guys to know that. Please know it.” 

“Jaehyun,” Yuta pleads, “I will do all your chores today if you make him shut up.”

“Eh, I did half this morning.” 

“I’ll do tomorrow too.” 

“Oh. Tomorrow’s laundry.”

“Exactly.”

“I like how you think, man.” 

“So?” Johnny waves a hand between them, “Are you guys going to kiss now?” 

“Why?” Jaehyun says, smile lopsided, “ Is that what happens in your dreams?”

Johnny looks at him like he’s lost his mind.“No. Much more superior people feature in my dreams.” 

“It’s okay.” Yuta says sympathetically, “Mark. You can say Mark.” 

“Dude!” Johnny and Mark say in a chorus and then both cringe, unified in their embarrassment. 

“Hey, I’m just speeding things up. It’s not like we don’t have eyes. We all saw what happened last Saturday.” 

The sun is momentarily blotted out as a body plops down on Yuta, “What happened last Saturday?” 

“Sicheng,” Yuta says warmly and places a wet kiss on his boyfriend’s mouth.

Mark giggles and Jaehyun shoves Yuta and Sicheng who has immediately become the extension of Yuta off of himself.

“Can you two leave?” Johnny says, “Can you take this visual pollution elsewhere?”

“No.” Yuta says simply.

Resignedly, Jaehyun sighs and starts taunting before the conversation can circle back to his lack of tattoos or balls. “Honestly guys? I’m starting to think Johnny actually likes  _ me. _ Let’s think about it seriously. He’s always at the gym when I am, he always makes a show of taking off his clothes in front of me, he wants my body to look a certain way. Mark, if I were you I’d run very far. Why would— ouch! Fuck, get off me dickbag! Help! Help! I’m being murdered!” 

Of course Jaehyun’s friends do absolutely fuck all to help him as Johnny Suh decides to end his life on a bright and lovely Wednesday afternoon. Jaehyun squirms and kicks and pinches and honestly, he even bites but Johnny has height, weight, and strength all on his side, and also annoyance born of Jaehyun hitting below the belt and bringing Mark into the story. That’s enough to warrant Jaehyun saying his final prayers because he’s certainly good as dead. 

But a little luck seems to be on his side today because he manages to get a mouthful of Johnny’s ear to clamp down on, which momentarily shocks Johnny enough to make him freeze and Jaehyun takes the opportunity to worm out from underneath him and leg it. Johnny isn’t stalled for long though, soon he’s hot on Jaehyun’s trail and when Jaehyun sees the ball lying at the end of the field, he takes it for what it is; a true blessing. His luck must be fully stocked and ready to be dispensed today, perhaps he can finally try for the best gaming seat in the lounge? At this rate, anything is possible for him today. 

He can’t outrun Johnny, Jaehyun is conditioned for sprints and Johnny is seasoned a marathoner, but Jaehyun can take him out of the race and give himself time to find sanctuary til Johnny is no longer out for his blood. So once he’s safely off the field, he dashes between students passing by and hides behind a thick pillar outside the stately science building looming ahead of them. Tactical position assumed, Jaehyun stretches his arm back as far as he can and throws the rugby ball as hard as he can, aiming—not  _ at _ because he’s not a heathen— but near Johnny’s crotch. 

Jaehyun expects to hear a  _ whump _ and Johnny rolling on the asphalt in some semblance of agony, followed by Jaehyun cackling an apology before he legs it again and stakes out in the student centre’s basement where no one ventures, while texting for his friends who are  _ not _ Johnny to get him snacks and possibly some booze. 

But that is not what happens. The ball goes flying. A figure appears out of the blue, sprinting right before Jaehyun at that precise moment.  _ They _ go  _ whump  _ and collapse to their side. The person does not get up, does not make a peep. 

And god, oh fuck, has Jaehyun just killed somebody? 

“Shit!” Jaehyun rushes to the victim’s side, dread flushing him cold. “Hey, hey,” he shakes the thin figure slumped on the ground, “Oh my god, hey! Can you hear me?” He turns them onto their back, mind scrambling for all the first aid he was recently taught. He’s blank though, a clean slate that only has the capacity for terror. 

“Oh my god,” Jaehyun whispers, shock morphing into hyperventilation when he sees who it is, “no way, no fucking way,” 

Johnny arrives by his side then, the rest following closely behind after witnessing everything from the field. 

“Dude,” Johnny says, incredulous, “did you just murder Lee Taeyong?” 

“Oh my god,” is all Jaehyun is capable of saying. He doesn’t know what else to say or what to with himself or what to do for Taeyong. He’s never seen anyone look so pale, so still. There is no sign of life in the senior’s body. 

“Idiots!” Yuta’s reached them now, “Go get help! Now!” He kneels down and brushes the hair away from Taeyong’s neck to press two fingers to his pulse. 

“Well?” Mark asks, hovering over Taeyong’s head. 

Jaehyun wrings his hands together and subconsciously, he reaches out for Taeyong’s which is cold and clammy. Clammy isn’t a bad sign, right? The dead don’t sweat,  _ right? _

God, he fucked up. This is all Johnny’s fault. Jaehyun’s gonna get him next, before he’s locked away for life. 

“Let’s get him to the clinic,” Yuta scoops an arm under Taeyong’s shoulders.

“Wait,” Mark grabs his shirt, “that’s too far. Science has an infirmary, let’s go there first.” 

“Jaehyun?” Johnny snaps his fingers in Jaehyun’s face, “Can you snap out of it and grab his legs? You can mope when we make sure he’s not braindead.” 

“Yeah, ehm, yeah, move,” he doesn’t know why it’s important for him to carry Taeyong, maybe a piece of him thinks it’ll compensate a little of the damage he’s done, but he shrugs off the other’s help and takes Taeyong into sole custody. 

Taeyong weighs nothing in his arms, it’s slightly alarming. His head rests on Jaehyun’s chest, bright pink hair framing his heart-shaped face like peony clouds, and Jaehyun peers at him to try and detect the faintest breathing but no, he finds nothing. Taeyong could be sleeping, with his lashes stark against his cheeks and pretty peony bud lips almost tugging in a smile. He looks so relaxed, so serene, except for the part where he doesn’t seem to be breathing and Jaehyun doesn’t have anything against tears but he rarely cries and right now he can’t curb the pressure building behind his eyes.

The nurse orders them all out once Jaehyun has gently lain Taeyong on an infirmary cot and Yuta tries to usher him out with reassurances but Jaehyun pleads with the nurse, Johnny joining in the coaxing— Jaehyun hopes this means he’s forgiven— to tell her Jaehyun is Taeyong’s best friend since childhood and the worn out portly woman gives in with a sigh and tells Jaehyun to suit himself before commencing the assessment.

Every time Jaehyun leans in too close from the seat next to Taeyong’s bed the nurse throws him an irritated glance but why can’t she just say if he’s dead or not? Jaehyun is going to puke at this suspense. 

“Is he alive? Is he going to be okay?” 

“I could tell you if you let me work, boy.”

“But is he alive? Can you please just tell me?”

“What do you think?” 

“I don’t know.” Jaehyun is trying hard to keep himself in check but a degree of constrained frustration and apprehension leaks into the crack of his voice. 

The nurse’s features mellow a fraction and she offers, “He’s fine. He’s still going to need to pay a visit to the hospital to make sure, but I can’t see anything critical here. The impact knocked him out but otherwise, he’ll be right as rain with a little rest. I do advise against further bludgeoning, though.”

“I’m sorry, it was an accident.” Jaehyun reaches out to squeeze Taeyong’s hand again in apology but catches himself last minute. 

“He’s your best friend?” She straightens up, a smile playing about her lips now. The previous curtness thaws into firmness as she examines Jaehyun one more time before she leaves. “I’m sure he’ll forgive you. Now feed him these if he wakes before I return.” She sets a small tray of ibuprofen and water next to the bed. 

“Okay. Thanks ma’am.” 

She is barely out the door when a croaking voice makes Jaehyun jump out of his skin. 

“Best friend, huh?” Taeyong’s eyes are wide open. He pulls himself upright.

_ “Hyung,”  _ Jaehyun wheezes, feeling like he lost ten years off his life span, “oh my god,”

Taeyong gives him a rictus smile. “Can you close the blinds?” 

“Yes, of course.” Jaehyun goes at once.“She said to take these. Are you in pain? Do you want to lie back down? Is there anything I can get you?”

“You can calm down and tell me what happened.” Taeyong accepts the painkiller, taking a moment to gulp it back with a wince before fixing Jaehyun with unsettlingly scrutinous eyes, “Do you have it out for me?”

“No, I… I’m really sorry, it was an accident.” Jung Jaehyun does not stumble over his words but in front of Lee Taeyong, Jung Jaehyun stumbles over his words. 

“What were you doing? If it wasn’t meant for me then it was for someone else, right? Are you juniors into incapacitating each other, is that what the kids do these days?”

“I’m not a kid.” Jaehyun mumbles. The tips of his ears are turning bruise coloured, he can feel it. 

Taeyong lies back against the metal headboard. Jaehyun’s chagrin seems to have relaxed him. Is it so bad that Jaehyun can’t find it in him to mind? 

“Uh huh.”

“I’m really not.” 

“Okay.” Taeyong laughs and Jaehyun’s heart, well, it skips two beats, then two more. “What’s your name?”

Jaehyun can’t say that he expected to be remembered by Taeyong, it’s not like he ever spoke with Taeyong directly but it stings a little all the same. 

“Jaehyun.”

“Can you pass me some more water, Jaehyun?” 

“Hyung, I’m really sorry about this. Let me take you to the hospital. It’s the least I can do.”

“No need, I feel fine.”

“But the nurse said—“

“And I said I feel fine. Just a bit achy. How about this,” he beckons Jaehyun closer like he’s about to divulge a secret. 

Jaehyun leans in, mind racing to think up what Taeyong could possibly suggest.

“If I feel off, I’ll see a doctor. If not, then all is good.” 

It’s kind of sensible but… Jaehyun is inexplicably uneasy. “Are you sure…?”

“I suppose your conscience needs me to let you do something for me, huh? How about this,” he beckons for Jaehyun to lean in again and Jaehyun catches a whiff of cinnamon and strawberry that make him want to bury his face in the crown of Taeyong’s gleaming, messy locks. 

“Anything.” 

“Anything?” That laugh again. “You’re cute.”

“I’m not cute.” 

“Hey,” Taeyong says sternly, “I’m the one who you almost gave brain damage so I totally get to say you’re cute. So cute.”

Jaehyun is only dressed in light jean shorts and a basketball shirt but suddenly it’s too much because it’s roasting in here. “What were you about to say? About me doing more…” 

“That,” Taeyong brightens up instantly and really, Jaehyun would do anything, “I’ll consider us even if you get me coffee when you’re free.” 

“That’s… it?”

“Why, Jaehyun the Cutie, what did you think I was going to make you do?”

“I don’t know…” 

“Worship my feet? Carry me up the stairs? Something darker?” 

“You hit your head pretty hard.” Jaehyun scowls and looks away. Taeyong tuts and startles Jaehyun again by reaching out and pinching his subconsciously huffed cheek.

“And I have you to thank for that.”

That instantly kills the frustration veering him into an outburst. Of course, it wasn’t ten minutes ago that he was terrified he’d fatally injured Taeyong. 

“Relax, if you’re feeling really guilty though you could always find a classmate of mine and write up my notes for the lecture I missed.”

“Really?”

“No.” Taeyong grins, “I’m really particular about my notes. You could never do them to my satisfaction.”

_ “Hyung.” _ Jaehyun feels a little frustration  _ is _ warranted now but Taeyong just puts out a hand. 

“Give me your phone.”

“What are you doing?”

“Whats your surname? Never mind I’m going to save you as Jaehyun Cutie.”

_ “Hyung.” _

Taeyong continues like Jaehyun didn’t say a word. “You better answer when I call, m’kay?”

“Of course.” As if Jaehyun hasn’t endeavoured for this moment. Well, not precisely for it to unfold like this but regardless, he made the endeavour in his own way, multiple times. 

Taeyong’s smile widens. “Of course?”

Jaehyun gets the sense he’s answering more than he’s being asked. But he doesn’t feel like saying anything but the truth. What’s the point? “Yeah.”

“Good.” 

There’s already a missed call on his phone from an unsaved number and he can’t help the smile growing on his face. The past thirty minutes have been a maelstrom but this now, this moment, perhaps it’s compensation enough. 

A piece of himself that he lost in the shock is restored and as he waves Taeyong goodbye from the door, he cranes his head back in for a moment to say, “It’s Jung, by the way. Jung Jaehyun. Remember it, hyung.” 

  
  


*

Jaehyun has never been overly attached to his phone. Most interesting things in his life happen before his eyes. Sneaking constant peeks at his phone over the next few days becomes an infection whose growth he tries to curb by throwing himself into plans with his friends, ditching class to carry out those plans, but also hitting the books once he gets home if he isn’t in the mood to mindlessly stare at the small TV hooked on his and Yuta's wall. Despite his best efforts, it's like the infection grows exponentially by the hour. 

At 7am when he gets up, it's a small patch in the centre of his palm, an itch that's irritating but not impossible to ignore. By 8.30am when Yuta has successfully coerced him through the motions of rousing, refreshing and getting dressed, his arm is heavy with the urge. He doesn't dare check his phone, though. Not when he can feel Yuta's anticipation, the little peripheral glances and contained smirks Jaehyun knows ache to blow into grins. 

As soon as he checks his phone, Yuta will text the group chat and Jaehyun thinks his friends have received enough joy at his expense over this whole liking Lee Taeyong thing. He won't give them any more than he can help. 

But to his simultaneous fortune and demise, Yuta cannot be tied to his hip all day, the same going for his other friends. Between classes and on his way to places, Jaehyun is ultimately alone and there's no one there to laugh or rib him for obsessively checking for a sign of Taeyong on his phone. It's been four days. First of all, is Taeyong okay? Jaehyun hasn't seen him since that kinda cursed, sorta blessed day. Did he go to the hospital for that checkup? Does he need more painkillers? Is it weird if Jaehyun texts to ask? Is that stalking? Like, first it's almost kill the guy and then what, swamp him with concern? 

Johnny says Jaehyun has nothing to lose by texting and it's only natural for him to be concerned, any remorseful person would be. But Johnny is also the person who clapped Mark on the shoulder and told him 'good talk, bro' last year when they made out on a drunken dare and Jaehyun may not be perfectly intuitive or expressive when it comes to emotions but he'd like to think he knows a little better than that. 

By three in the afternoon the infection takes over all his limbs and his lungs and it's like he can't draw a single breath without thinking,  _ what is Taeyong hyung doing right now, has he thought of me since that day, does he remember me?  _ Past being the person who, in his own words, almost gave him brain damage. Multiple times Jaehyun opens the chat bar for the contact saved as  _ cherry hyung _ and starts typing but before he even finishes the first word he deletes everything and pockets his phone so hard it almost tears a whole through his pants. 

Shit. 

This is not like him. 

(But then there’s first year otter ball, held in the drained gym pool, to raise awareness for otters and the dangers they face from humans, which Jaehyun was dragged to by Johnny and co. once they found out it was organised by Taeyong, president of the Animal Science Society. Johnny had cited how perfect it was an opportunity for Jaehyun to see Taeyong and hit it off with him because what the  _ fuck _ is an otter ball and how many people truly weep for the otters in their heart of hearts? 

Surprisingly, the answer is  _ a lot _ if the promotion for the ball includes a video of said president cradling a baby otter on his chest as he backstrokes in open water, giggling and petting the otter pup, followed by a montage of what the night would offer (booze, home-baked goods and more booze). 

The pool was brimming when Jaehyun and his friends arrived and getting a hold of Taeyong had been impossible. In the end, nobody had really followed the dress code that only had one specification; to come in the otter tails the society sold alongside tickets, but Jaehyun didn’t imagine ASS folks were too miffed by that. The tickets were sold out and the night was a success— for some more than others. 

Then there was national litter day where the college had organized a local spring clean campaign and it wasn’t exactly mandatory but they were issuing certificates to volunteers but more relevantly, Taeyong’s face was plastered on the posters as one of the members on the management committee and Jaehyun reckoned no way a committee member would miss out on the actual events? 

Besides, his friends were pressuring him a lot more to do it,  _ god damn, _ and just approach Taeyong and see where it goes, even though he’d been seeing different people casually. Maybe this was it, this was how he’d connect with Taeyong and if he had to pretend to give a few rat’s tails more about the environment to make it happen then fine, that’s what he would do. Except, of course, that’s not what happened at all, it’s never what happens. 

Jaehyun didn’t quite understand why the organizers insisted on making their green efforts repellent to as many people as possible. Who holds a voluntary event at 6am on a Saturday morning unless they want it to fail? Worse yet, why were there so many people actually present? 

But never mind that, there was Taeyong at least, he hadn’t dragged himself and his friends out of bed at ass o’clock for no reason. If they hovered around Taeyong’s area they’d eventually get grouped together, right? That was Yuta’s logic anyway as they nursed bitter coffees from the crappy machine in residence’s lounge. 

No, though. Taeyong’s team reached its maximum members right before Jaehyun’s turn to be added and the bubbly senior headed off with his team, talking excitedly about the fun they would have. (Jaehyun conducted a grave reassessment of his attraction to Lee Taeyong right there. Results inconclusive.) 

By the time Jaehyun conceived the idea of slipping in with Taeyong’s team, they had gone a distance away and his approach wouldn’t be discreet in any way. Yuta, Johnny and Mark hated him for a full two days following that, especially since Yuta fell down a ditch and twisted his ankle, leading them to be stuck down there with him in the open glare of a dying September sun all afternoon till proper aid arrived. 

The most embarrassing out of all the almost-encounters is possibly froyo day, or f ² as Mark likes to call it, for froyo fiasco. A froyo company had expanded all over the country and several of its new branches opened in their university town, two on campus itself, and the company held a promotion day on the quad, giving out free froyo all day long. With pumping bass music, fuzzy May sunshine, zero cost and no one to stop second, third, fourth and fifth helpings, it was needless to say the quad was booming with life and Jaehyun and his friends were not exempt from attendance. 

Johnny had made friends with one of the froyo staff and Jaehyun, Yuta, Mark and Sicheng had marked turf near the stand. Sicheng had challenged Jaehyun to a grape tossing game (stolen from the toppings tray) while Johnny engaged with the froyo girl, Joohyun, in a sombre conversation about the optimal bacteria conditions for yoghurt culture. 

Yuta and Mark cheered them on from the grass and on commenced the game. Jaehyun was in the lead, mainly because Sicheng kept placing the grapes directly in his mouth instead of tossing them, but he munched too adorably for Jaehyun to do anything but laugh and keep up the competition against himself. 

It was all laughter and games until Mark suddenly exclaimed,  _ “hey, isn’t that Taeyong?”  _ and startled Jaehyun so badly the grape he’d tossed went straight to his windpipe. In his asphyxiation he thrashed so hard he went flying into a vat of yoghurt, sending it tumbling down on himself and Yuta who was closest and by the time Johnny grabbed his middle and crushed the grape out of him, a crowd had gathered. 

Drenched in roasted raspberry yoghurt from head to toe, Jaehyun blinked through his dairy clogged vision to find Lee Taeyong standing dazed at the front of the crowd. Later Yuta would say that Jaehyun’s brain broke at that exact moment because nothing else could have compelled him to lift up a handful of yoghurt and quietly offer the senior,  _ “froyo?” _ to which Taeyong replied in a strained, pitying voice,  _ “I’m vegan.” _ And Yuta would be right. 

After that mortifying ordeal, Jaehyun scrubbed all hopes of Lee Taeyong from his mind and heart. The only silver lining was that Taeyong didn’t know Jaehyun then and couldn’t recognise him through the impromptu yoghurt costume and with luck Taeyong would never know it was him. 

Jaehyun kinda gave up after that, taking all the previous events as signs from the universe to put a permanent brake on this thing. He and Taeyong just weren’t happening, and Johnny redoubling his efforts to convince Jaehyun that, no, indeed this was more of a sign to go ahead than anything, wasn’t going to sway Jaehyun. 

How does humiliating him in front of the guy he likes make sense as fate? How is that encouragement? With some due respect, humiliation and disappointment after disappointment is not fate. Not when Jaehyun can avoid it. 

And now Johnny’s insisting fate came knocking, literally, on Taeyong’s head to teach Jaehyun a lesson. The mad part is that Jaehyun is starting to think… well, he’s not completely denying it, not to himself.)

So, blowing a chance to take Taeyong out by texting too soon, or not texting soon enough, well, that’s a lot like Jaehyun. 

By day five he's convinced he should surrender his phone to his friends, have them confiscate it until... whenever necessary, but every time he opens his mouth he remembers a bright face and mellifluous laugh and a warm voice instructing him gravely to pick up his call and Jaehyun is a lot of things but he doesn't break promises. Not ones that don't involve peanut butter and dicks, (Yuta, Sicheng, the scarring freshman year summer). 

Speak of the devil... he spots his friends by the bike rack they agreed to meet at, Yuta saluting him as he approaches. Jaehyun waves back and picks up his pace when he spots a head of bubblegum hair. And he doesn't know what hits him. Maybe it's the memory of f ² fresh in his head, maybe it’s that same god damn infection that infests in his brain and initiates an advanced rate of rot but when he catches a glimpse of Taeyong heading his way, neck bent over his phone, something in Jaehyun spasms with panic and sends him ducking behind a litter bin. 

The bin is nowhere near close to being big enough to conceal him and he's barely ducked down before a raucous chorus of laughter—that he recognizes all too well—breaks out but at last, to the (arguable) triumph of his dignity, he sees the bubblegum head pass by out of the corner of his eyes and Jaehyun lets out a breath of much-needed relief. 

Now, to face the circus. 

When he approaches, Mark and Johnny are slapping each other in laughter and Yuta is squatted on the ground holding his stomach and Sicheng is doubled over. A few bystanders chuckle at him too and Jaehyun would promptly like to shrink himself into a little crinkly piece of rubbish and dispose himself into the very bin he shamed himself with. 

"You know why you're going insane, right?" Johnny says when he can finally speak. "You're spitting in the universe's face after it finally granted you your wish. If I were you, I'd really step on it before you end up falling from the flight of stairs on the eleventh floor or something." 

"Grim," Yuta scrunches his nose and Jaehyun has to agree there. 

"Oh yeah? And what does the universe have to say for hypocrites?" 

"What hypocrite?"

"Being in denial about what you want but preaching to me about going for it. Isn't that the definition of?"

"And who said I'm in denial? I know what I want." He casts a lingering look to Mark who's conversing with Sicheng ahead of them. "And I know when it feels right. We’re not in the same boat. I’ve known Mark for so many years and our relationship is different from what you have, or should I say don’t have, with Taeyong. Stop comparing yourself, Jae. If you want him, no matter how many failed tries or mishaps, you want him and you should still go for it.” 

Jaehyun isn't sure when they stopped joking but Johnny's words settle like stone inside him, solid and undeniable. 

"I mean, are you guys even sure he's single?" Yuta worms between Jaehyun and Johnny and curls an arm around each of their shoulders, "I heard he's really close with that guy... Dae... Di... Do? Do-something? He won the EBE award and they sang his praise all over campus?" 

"Oh yeah, you mean Dongyoung?"

"Yeah, that's your one. Aren't they dating?"

"Nah," Johnny shakes his head, "business and sciences don't mix."

"You're right," Yuta accepts, "one lacks soul and the other a heart."

"Hey," Jaehyun is inexplicably affronted. "Let's keep in mind Taeyong could've made me do much worse to pay him back but he didn't. Besides, he's doing VetMed and I've seen him carrying puppies on campus sometimes? I don't think anyone who baby-talks animals like that could be heartless. Also— what? Why are you laughing?" 

Johnny and Yuta break away from him again as they cackle.

"Do you hear yourself? You've got it so bad, dude," 

Jaehyun sighs very loudly, resigned from the bottom of his soul.

*

Day six at ten a.m. when Jaehyun is seated in the third row from the front in a lecture hall his phone vibrates in his pocket. Mindlessly, he takes it out to check out whatever meme Mark has decided to distract him with from his bed since he has nothing on this morning. It takes a few reads to register the name on his screen.  _ Cherry hyung.  _

> **Can Jaehyunnie receive my call right now?**

Yuta, seated next to him, glances down at the screen under the narrow bench. Jaehyun feels the vibration of his chuckles before he even starts typing. There's time enough to deal with him later. 

> **Yeah**

He doesn't know what possessed them to take the seat smack dab in the middle of the row but evidently it's the worst decision they made this morning. His  _ excuse me _ 's turn into an indecipherable stream of grunts as he wiggles out of the row. 

He can feel the lecturer bore holes into his head but it's too late to abort now. Besides, his phone is vibrating in his pocket and he still has a brief flight of steps to climb out of the auditorium before he can pick up the incoming call. He's slightly panting by the time he answers and he's met with Taeyong's warm laugh. 

"Are you hiding behind another bin, Jaehyunnie? You don't have to do that, I'm calling from my dorm. You're safe." 

At twenty-one years old, Jung Jaehyun is going to pass from a stroke. 

"What?" he exclaims in the empty hallway. "Hyung... I— that— it was— I was—“

"Jaehyun?" Taeyong says calmly, voice airy with imminent laughter.

"Breathe. Are you breathing?"

"Yes."

"Good. Take it easy, I didn't call to get an explanation. Although it would be nice to get one."

"Uhm," Jaehyun squirms as though Taeyong's sharp eyes are trained on him in person. "So why did you? Call, I mean."

Taeyong hums a laugh, as light and melodious Jaehyun knew it would be. "To ask if you're free tomorrow." 

"Yes." He answers a little too quickly and punches the wall silently, wincing as the pain explodes in his knuckles three seconds later. Precisely then he recalls that they have a fit factor test scheduled after lunch. It's not mandatory but it would smoothen his rapport with the coaches since he's been mitching a scrutiny worthy amount of lectures and classes lately. 

"Great! Do you have a place in mind?" 

Jaehyun gets the urge to squirm again. The amount of time he spent on the web in search of the perfect place to take Taeyong is sacred knowledge between him, god and the dorm ghost. "Yeah, actually." 

Ultimately, the place he'd been looking for had been right under his nose.

"Did you think hard about it?"

Why is it getting warm so suddenly? It's raining outside. Jaehyun starts to shrug off his jacket, biding his time as he wracks his brain for a reply. “I— hyung." Why does he feel so naked under Taeyong's eye? He's not even under Taeyong's eye right now, for goodness sake. 

"I'm kidding." Taeyong laughs and Jaehyun thinks, maybe, maybe the blood rushing endlessly through his ears at this interrogation isn't so bad, "I'll meet you at the bus stop then? Does twelve work for you?"

"Uh huh."

"If you see me between now and then, do say hello? You know I don't bite, right?"

Jaehyun groans. Damn him and his peculiar reflexes. Will Taeyong ever let him live it down? His friends won't and that's more than enough abuse. "It isn't what you think..."

"And what do you think it is I'm thinking?"

"I- I thought you said you didn't call for this."

"I didn't. But even over the phone I can see you get cuter. Are your ears red, Jaehyunnie? They were so red when we met." 

Jaehyun wants to die, just a bit.

"N-No."

"Liar, and you know it. Fine, I'll let you go now. See you tomorrow, yeah? Don't be late, or else..."

"Or what hyung,"

"I'll find you."

"I'm terrified."

"You should be." He sounds indignant and it puts a smile on Jaehyun, "I'm known for my skill with needles."

"Needles." Jaehyun shudders. 

"You're afraid of them like everybody else, huh?"

"No, not really." Jaehyun rolls his eyes, "It's just, my friend keeps telling me I need to get a tattoo."

"And do you want to?" There's a shift in Taeyong's tone. Low, a murmur. Suddenly the conversation feels too intimate for the brightly lit halls with their portraits of alumni and gleaming white tiles and hordes upon hordes of students welled behind the thick doors lining them. 

Jaehyun starts pacing, lowering his volume in subconscious mirroring. "I don't know. Not really. Not right now, anyway." 

"I have one." Taeyong says. It sounds like he's divulging a secret. 

"You do?" 

"Yeah, a few actually."

Jaehyun takes a deep breath for what he's about to ask next. "Can I- can I see them? Tomorrow? Some time?”

There's a pause, Taeyong sucks in his breath loudly, contemplative. "Are you asking me to undress for you?" 

"What?" Jaehyun chokes on nothing. 

"You didn't ask where they are, Jaehyunnie." Taeyong is full of mirth when he answers. "What if I have them somewhere private? Still want to see them?" And just like that, the mirth is gone again and Jaehyun is feeling far too exposed at far too early in the morning at Taeyong's far too sweet voice. 

"I- that's- if you want— I really—“

"Calm down." Taeyong isn't trying to hold back his laughter anymore, "They're not anywhere weird at all. You can see them tomorrow."

Jaehyun scowls. He has seen his life flash before him way too many times for a call that's gone on for only—he checks his screen—six minutes. "What if I don't want to go anymore? I won't come."

"Don't pout when I can't pinch your cheeks." Taeyong coos and Jaehyun feels all of his resolve start to melt from his shoulders, down, down right through his goddamn shoes. "Of course you will come."

The first lecture hall door bursts open. A wave of chatter and noise explodes into the previously cemetery-still space. Jaehyun is out of time. Johnny and the rest will be here any second. 

"I have to go." He sighs into the phone, "See you tomorrow, hyung." 

"See you Jaehyunnie. Get plenty of rest." 

"Uh huh. You too."

"Bye." 

*

“I hope you know I’m not lifting a finger.” Yuta says without taking his eyes off the screen. 

“I know,” Jaehyun grunts and tosses more clothing onto the bed. 

“Let’s see,” Johnny picks himself off the floor and stands by Jaehyun’s side, picking at the outfits laid out, “what shall our Jaehyunnie wear tomorrow? Black shirt number one or black shirt number two or black shirt number three? Pantone green camo jacket 2426 C or Pantone green camo jacket 2410 C or Pantone green camo jacket 7764 C? Pantone grey sweats—“

“We get it.” Jaehyun grits out, ruffling his hair in frustration and flopping onto the bed. 

“Go shopping.” Yuta suggests, eyes still plastered to his screen, fingers flying over the keyboard. Jaehyun is willing to bet Sicheng is involved. 

_ “No.” _ Jaehyun and Johnny scoff at the same time. 

“We can work with this. Besides,” Johnny turns to Jaehyun’s wardrobe, starts picking at what’s left, “you’re going on a date, not proposing or something. Just be yourself.”

“Not a date.” Jaehyun has been clarifying since he broke the phone call to them and he doesn’t know why he’s still trying since they are deaf to his corrections. 

“What would you wear on any other date? You’re not too shabby from what I know. Maybe put on some special cologne or something.” 

“Yeah, obvious mating call.” Yuta adds absently. 

Jaehyun throws a pillow at him. Yuta doesn’t even flinch. 

“How about keeping it simple?” Johnny removes a different camo jacket, despite his earlier teasing. Jaehyun watches in silence as he completes the outfit with a plain white tee that’s actually Yuta’s and some black jeans. He holds them up along his own body so Jaehyun can see the final look.

Jaehyun scans around the room for a second before finding what he’s searching for. He places the snapback on Johnny’s head and hums. “Perfect.” 

“One day you will learn fashion is more than stupid hats.” Yuta pipes up again.

Johnny and Jaehyun ignore him. 

“Yeah, I guess this is fine,” Jaehyun approves again, taking the clothes from Johnny and setting them aside so he can start putting the rest away. 

Anything is fine because it’s not a date, no matter how many times his friends say it is or treat it that way. He’s just going to take Taeyong out for coffee after an accident that’s on him, it’s the least he can do. That’s not to say Johnny’s pep talk about carpe diem’ing or whatever didn’t work. But Jaehyun doesn’t go all out for dates that  _ are _ dates, let alone… whatever this is. 

* 

The first time Jaehyun saw Lee Taeyong was orientation week of his freshman year. Taeyong turned out to be his group’s welcome guide. He was so friendly and answered all questions, even the dumb ones, even the repetitive ones, even the implausible ones, with sincerity sans frustration. 

His laughter was never far from him and every while or so, he’d chuckle without reason and the group would catch it like a contagion. Jaehyun hadn’t been that nervous, he’d been to campus so many times for games or his friends’ debates as a high schooler and while prestigious, it wasn’t the biggest institution. But somehow Taeyong’s calm and cordial aura relaxed him too and he found himself enjoying the tour which he’d initially intended to skip because he thought it would be nothing but a snooze. 

Taeyong’s hair had been a shock of lightning silver back then, streaked with darker grey. His dark features, eyes, brows, were contrasted stunningly by the brilliant hair and even as his eyes turned to moons when he smiled, they emitted light like sun dogs. And his jawline… Jaehyun had never wanted to run his fingers along somebody’s jaw before, just to see if his fingers would bleed. Then, he wanted to cup that jawline and turn that pale rose mouth onto his. 

He’d had a boyfriend for the last three years of high school, broke it off the summer before college and Jaehyun was sure he loved Minhyuk at some point in his life but his heart had never stuck in his throat like that. For anyone. 

The group was quite large and Jaehyun didn’t get the chance to speak with Taeyong. He could’ve asked a silly question to get Taeyong’s attention and maybe it would’ve been worth it for Taeyong to think he was a simpleton but the downside of that was Taeyong would think he was a simpleton. As soon as they circled back to the main building, they were handed off to another guide and Taeyong thanked them briefly but happily for being a ruly bunch, and then he was gone. 

But it had been enough. It had been enough for him to stick like gum to Jaehyun’s consciousness for days, then embed into his subconsciousness when the buzz of college capsized him in new friendships, tryouts, alcohol, loud music, bad decisions, one night stands, louder music, hangovers, championships, citation torment, three hours before the deadline essays, more parties, more games, a wild and reckless freedom that he didn’t resist. 

"Boo." A tap on his shoulder takes him out of his reverie. Taeyong stands behind him, balancing on his heels with his hands clasped at his back. 

"Hyung," Jaehyun smiles, feigning a calm he doesn't feel, "hi." 

Taeyong dressed in a plain white shirt paired with a denim jacket whose sleeves only allow the tips of his fingers to be seen and black skinny jeans that need god's help at the knees—Jaehyun has never seen tears so wide. But a worse problem is that they fit Taeyong’s thighs so snuggly it would not be a hardship to imagine what they’d feel like in Jaehyun’s hold if he were to grasp them for, uh, a reason.

His hair, no longer pink, is dishevelled fashionably over his forehead, honey strands layered with dark roots, dangling piercings emerging from the veil of longer locks around his ear and the most devastating accessory, in Jaehyun's humble opinion; the black, circular rim glasses he has chosen to adorn. In summary, he looks so very... kissable. 

"Did you wait long? I thought I left the stove on so I went to make sure but no, it was off! So I sprinted here." 

"You ran? You're very collected for someone who rushed. Is it a hobby?"

"You got me. I didn't run. But I didn't want to have a bad excuse for being late to our date." 

_ Reign it, _ Jaehyun,  _ reign it in. _ He manages not to choke on air again by the skin of his teeth. "Date?"

Unfortunately for him, the bus pulls up at the curb, and Taeyong exclaims  _ it's here, _ before climbing aboard, leaving Jaehyun no choice but to follow. 

The ride into town is always crowded and today is no exception so they end up canned together at the very corner of the last bench. Jaehyun is acutely aware of their thighs squished together, their shoulders, Taeyong's elbow in his waist, vice versa. 

He leans down as best as he can and asks, "Are you okay?" Taeyong's position doesn't look very comfortable. 

But Taeyong nods and sets a hand on Jaehyun's thighs, which short circuits Jaehyun’s brain for an eternal second as Taeyong strokes the spot in reassurance, "I'm perfectly fine, Jaehyunnie." 

"And your head? I didn't get to ask, did you go to the hospital?"

"I thought you might bring it up.” Taeyong squeezes his thigh, smile growing, "I did go and everything looked good, so you can relax now."

"There's no need for this... outing?" He cringes inwardly at the wording but a part of him thinks he hallucinated Taeyong saying 'date' so he's simply going to avoid it until— if— he hears Taeyong use it again. 

Taeyong frowns, lips pursed, "Do you have somewhere else to be right now?" 

"Not really." 

"That's not no."

"Well. If I wasn't here I wouldn't be attending that class either." The lie comes smoothly. Admitting face to face that he skipped a test for this, he doesn't want Taeyong to think he's obsessed with him or that he cares that deeply, just because he took to him the first time they met. He doesn't. Taeyong is just so… pretty. And likeable. Who wouldn't like him? Even Jaehyun’s friends admit they like him. They think he's hot, at the very least. He's really cute, too. And he has a nice laugh, a nice voice, a warm gaze. Jaehyun likes him just as much as the next guy and not an ounce more. 

(Maybe just a little teeny tiny infinitesimal bit more.)

"You skipped class for me?" Taeyong says in that cooing voice. Jaehyun stares straight ahead, shrugging. He jumps a little when he feels an arm link in his, a body cozy up to his. "Don't tell a soul, but me too. I wanted to wait till the weekend but I think your cuteness bewitched me. I missed seeing your ears red… like now,” Taeyong says conspiratorially, pressed up against Jaehyun's body, speaking into the tender skin next to his ear. 

Jaehyun has goosebumps down his spine, barely manages to keep the shiver at bay. 

He clears his throat. "I'm not cute, hyung. You're just seeing things.” 

"The more you don't let me call you cute, the more I want to do it, Jaehyunnie. What class are you skipping? Is it jumping jacks class? It's important for kids to do their jumping jacks, you know."

"Jumping jacks?" 

"I don't know what modules you gym rats take." He pouts. 

Jaehyun's sputter morphs into laughter. "How do you know my major? I never told you."

"True," Taeyong acknowledges, rubbing Jaehyun's forearm where his arm is linked, "but if your friends are anything like mine, they’d have have a file with my name from the day I was born till now. The difference is my best friend wants you dead. He's heard... alternative versions of events concerning the accident." 

"As long as you—“

"As long as what?"

"As long as, uhm,  _ you _ know I didn't mean it." Jaehyun says casually, shrugging again. He’s not panicking inside, no. 

"I do. But you  _ are _ very strong." Taeyong hums, now squeezing Jaehyun's bicep. "What's your best sport?" 

"Basketball." 

"What else?"

“Football.” 

“Hm, what else?” He squeezes Jaehyun's arm again, fingers trailing up and down the material of his forearm and Jaehyun is trying so hard to keep his mind pure and his sanity intact but he believes, in his heart of hearts, that anyone would struggle with the task if Lee Taeyong kept touching them like this, looking at them with eyes opaque as black diamonds, shimmering with their intensity too, with his cupids bow so deep- making his lips shaped so pretty, so ready for the print of another pair of lips. 

Jaehyun is trying so hard. 

He raises a brow. "Is there an answer you're looking for, hyung?"

For the first time in all of their encounters, Taeyong pauses, taken aback, and a faint pink fills his cheeks. "No," he laughs abashedly, "is that what it sounds like?" His fingers tighten on Jaehyun's skin and Jaehyun wants to get back to the atmosphere where Taeyong teased him endlessly, confidently. On the other hand, it's quite a sight, quite a thrill to have Taeyong ruffled because of him and perhaps he doesn't have to surrender this power cord so soon. 

"Yes," Jaehyun confirms, peering down closer, brow raised the way that gets his friends hollering at him when he does it at the bar or clubs, "that's exactly how it sounds. What's on your mind, hyung?"

"How," Taeyong clears his throat and says in a rush, "it's too loud for a conversation. We should listen to something instead." He procures earphones from his jacket pockets and instead of offering up a bud, he settles it in Jaehyun's ear himself. 

"Thanks." 

"What do you want to listen to? Put on something nice." 

Jaehyun isn't sure what a nice song means to Taeyong (hopes he'll get to find out) and puts on one of the more upbeat, groovy songs on his go-to playlist. Taeyong stays perfectly still for fifteen seconds, gauging the beat. Jaehyun doesn't preen when Taeyong nods with a small smile, but the satisfaction does prompt his own pleased smile. 

And in that crowded bus corner, filled with conversation-drowning chatter and hubbub, with Taeyong pressed warm to his side, arms still interlocked, Taeyong's fingers dancing across both of their thighs as he revels in the song, smelling of strawberry, cinnamon and cherry lip balm, a sense of content, a sense of  _ rightness, _ descends over Jaehyun unlike he's ever before felt. 

  
  
  


*

  
  
  
  


Sequestered between the end of the street and a dilapidated liquor store,  _ Playdate _ is located on a forgotten lane in the part of town where decline is setting in like batter in a mould. Jaehyun stumbled across it in his first year, on one of those days where solitude was more comforting than familiar company and a sober mug of coffee eased whatever hangover that resulted from an attempt to forget some burden or another. 

The only one who knows about this place is Johnny, and not because they visit together, but in the case of an emergency where Jaehyun can't be reached on his phone. When he comes here, he has a habit of leaving behind all communication. 

The building in question is a thin cuboid that barely qualifies as a cafe, but Jaehyun will be damned if it doesn't serve the best coffee he has ever tasted and offer the best company possible. 

He always gives out to the owner, one eccentric Mr. Byun Baekhyun— who insists on serving him on the house whenever he passes by— for locating in the worst possible place, how his business would boom and soar if he opened somewhere closer to main street because the service is nothing short of superb, to which Baekhyun calmly explains it was his grandmother's place and he can't bear to give up on it, and besides, his clientele consists mainly of locals whom he's come to know well and he values the familiarity more than anything. 

It's a little selfish but deep down, a part of Jaehyun has always been kind of glad for its obscurity. It's like his own little nook he gets to disappear into, and now he can share it with Taeyong, even if it's this once. Taeyong will love it, right? A dog cafe seems right up his alley. 

Said boy sticks close as Jaehyun manoeuvres them farther and farther from the heart of main street, shoulders bumping, fingers brushing, small zaps of electricity that almost compel Jaehyun to say  _ fuck it _ and slip his hand into Taeyong's. 

"You're not luring me to my death, are you?" Taeyong says, his laugh a little high pitched. 

Jaehyun stays silent, pretending to be pensive, "I don't know," he tilts his head, letting uncertainty seep into his voice, "there's a big possibility of danger where we're headed." Especially if Rimu is there. Rimu can create oceans of saliva and drown the unsuspecting in ardent licks before the poor victim has a chance to open their mouth and scream bloody murder. "It provides a good time but I remember when I almost died. On a few occasions." 

"You're not a good liar." Taeyong teases, but his eyes are a tad too solemn to fully convince Jaehyun of his nonchalance. 

"That's why I would never lie. Truly hyung, we're going to a scary place. But," he steps a little closer, places his arm loosely around Taeyong's shoulders, "since you admitted yourself that I'm strong, nothing bad will happen to you." 

"Oh, my hero. Yay.” Taeyong says flatly. But the uncertainty in his expression is gone and he walks comfortably in Jaehyun's loose hold and Jaehyun tries his best not to betray how fast his heart is beating. 

"Almost there." Jaehyun reassures as they round the corner to  _ Playdate.  _ Immediately, he knows there's something off. He doesn't figure it out until he sees all the lights out, the dim interior. 

The cafe is closed. 

Confirming the unfortunate news, a notice stuck on the glass door: 

_ Playdate's owner is attending the birth of his first child. We will be back soon, friends.  _

_ With delight,  _

_ Baekhyun  _

"Oh god," Jaehyun slaps his forehead,  _ "fuck," _ He knew. Of course, he fucking knew but he forgot. Baekhyun had closed for the week, he'd texted Jaehyun weeks ahead and yet it still slipped his mind. What were they going to do now? He'd intended for Taeyong to have a good time and the best coffee in town and none of that is going to happen.  _ Shit. _

"Is that a playpen?" Taeyong's forehead is pressed to the glass as he cups his hands around his eyes and peers into the cafe. 

"Yes," Jaehyun says, slightly dejected, "for puppies." 

"Puppies?"

"Uh huh. It's a dog cafe."

_ "Oh."  _

"Yeah,"

"I see," Taeyong sighs and the pout he's wearing says he really does, "what a bummer." 

"I know the owner, he's really nice. Kinda like a puppy himself. He makes the best mocha, too. I thought you might like it, but..."

"It's okay, Jaehyunnie," Taeyong squeezes his shoulder, "it's not your fault. We can go somewhere else? Maybe, if you want, we can come here some other time when it's open. You've got me curious about their quality. And the puppies! I want.”

The disappointment is shaken by the fact Taeyong seems more excited than upset. He wants to go out with Jaehyun  _ again _ and Jaehyun finds himself nodding a little too enthusiastically. "What if," Jaehyun says as the idea pops into his head, "what if we drink at my place?" 

The question hangs in the air and Jaehyun rushes to explain, "My friend drinks coffee like it's water and at one point he was so obsessed he made us take barista lessons? So I, uh, kind of make a mean homemade brew." 

"What is this," Taeyong steps closer and closer, a mischievous look in his eye that has Jaehyun backing up until his back hits the cafe door and he's staring down at a Taeyong whose smile is so wide, so genuine, so infectious. "Did you set this up so you could lure me back to your place? Was that the real plan?" 

"No!" Jaehyun shakes his head vigorously, "It wasn't, I swear." 

"Hm," Taeyong places his palms on the door to Jaehyun's sides, caging him in as he regards him with contemplation. He seems to be taking too much joy in Jaehyun's distress and perhaps it's what prompts Jaehyun to say what leaves his mouth next. 

"But would it be so bad?" he blurts. When Taeyong's gaze turns into a question, it's too late to take it back so he forges ahead, "If that was the plan, would it have been so bad?" 

"Yes," Taeyong says simply, "too many steps for something I would've said yes to if you’d asked outright.” 

And Jaehyun can't help it anymore. He kisses Lee Taeyong. 

He hasn’t stopped thinking of kissing Taeyong since the bus stop, since the bus ride. He hasn’t stopped thinking of kissing Taeyong for longer than he cares to remember. 

Taeyong's mouth is open in a small circle of surprise but not too long after, his mouth closes and he's tilting his head so their lips slot together better. He hooks his arms around Jaehyun's neck and pulls his head down, pressing closer. 

When Taeyong's lips start to stretch against his, Jaehyun doesn't know what he's doing at first. Until.  _ He's smiling,  _ Jaehyun realizes, Taeyong is smiling against his lips and Jaehyun's heart both surges and gives out at once and he pulls away to breathe, to whisper, "Hyung, why are you smiling?"

Taeyong laughs then, throws his head back, eyes closed, voice ringing into the street in soft peals. 

"What? Why are you laughing?" 

"Because, Jaehyunnie," Taeyong brings a gentle hand to his hair, strokes down to his nape and lets his fingers rest around the crest of his spine,  _ "you _ smiled first." 

"Oh," 

"Yeah, silly," Taeyong gives his nape a squeeze, the fondness choking something inside Jaehyun. 

"It's just, I was thinking of doing that all day." Something in the kiss must've inebriated Jaehyun and loosened his ability to reason, to think clearly at all. 

It's not that he doesn't know what to say to flatter or fluster his dates but that the things he’s said have never felt so genuine, so candid as now. Which is slightly, maybe, a whole lot, terrifying. But Taeyong's eyes fill with such simple happiness, like they're filled with glitter, with jewels caught in the afternoon sun, and when Taeyong leans up to brush a too short kiss to his lips, Jaehyun doesn't regret a single word. 

"Wanna know a secret? I was going to do it if you didn't." 

"Really?" If he had any control over his emotions left, he'd try to sound less thrilled, but evidently Taeyong has swiped every semblance of composure from him in that kiss. 

"I'm glad you did, though." Taeyong steps back but pulls Jaehyun along and links his arm in his. "So where exactly is your place? Don't you live on campus?” 

  
  


*

  
  
  
  


Jaehyun's place off campus isn't too big but it's enough to host his parents when they make the long trek to visit him between holidays. He pretends he doesn't hear Taeyong's speculation about the real use of this place, how it’s probably for his not so academic endeavours. 

In truth, outside of the family visits, it's a place that exists for Jaehyun like  _ Playdate. _ His friends are always welcome to his and Yuta's room and so were the occasional partners that lasted more than two weeks, but this flat is his respite and they all respect that. 

In the elevator he wondered if he'd made a mistake, inviting someone he doesn’t knows as well as he’d like to, to another one of his shrines of sorts. He expects regret to hit him like a full-blown punch in the face once they cross into the threshold of the front door. 

And yet, there’s nothing but relief, relief that the inexplicable need to be alone with Taeyong is finally coming to be appeased and he can’t help the tingles exploding all over his body as he offers to take Taeyong's jacket and place it on the rack by the door. 

"It's...  _ clean." _ is the first that leaves Taeyong's mouth once they roam deeper, arriving at the open plan kitchen and living room. 

More than surprise, it sounds like awe and Jaehyun doesn't know whether to be amused or affronted. "Why do you sound so surprised?" 

Taeyong glances back at him, gives him a thorough head to toe once over before shaking his head and leaving Jaehyun with his confusion in favour of straying to the mantle to examine the framed photos sat atop it. 

"Family?" Taeyong asks, cradling a burgundy frame. 

"Yes," Jaehyun has vivid recollection of that fishing trip, "but everyone besides myself, Mom and Dad, is a cousin." 

Taeyong whistles. "Lots of cousins, huh?" 

"A whole army." Jaehyun tosses his snapback to the couch and goes to refill the water in the coffee machine. "Make yourself at home. I'm going to make us those drinks."

Taeyong snorts, moving on to another picture, "You make it sound like we're day drinking." 

"What's wrong with day drinking? Kidding," he adds when Taeyong sends him a stony look, "but seriously, there's beer in the fridge if you’d like some." 

"As much as I like you Jaehyunnie, I don't get drunk at places and with people I barely know." 

Jaehyun scrunches his nose as he starts weighing the beans. "Who gets drunk off beer?"

Taeyong doesn't reply and when Jaehyun looks up, he's smiling sheepishly. 

"No way," Jaehyun whistles, "beer, hyung?" 

"One drink is all it takes." Taeyong admits, rubbing his neck. "I prefer smoothies anyway." 

"Smoothies don't erase your problems the same, hyung. They're feel good but, in PG? It's like kiddo feel-good." 

"PG feel good?" Taeyong bursts out laughing, kneeling on the plush carpet as he takes an album with him, and it's Jaehyun's turn to be sheepish as he turns on the grinder. 

Taeyong sits and flicks through the pages, cooing, chuckling, asking Jaehyun locations of the photos, anecdotes for the weird poses and expressions, and Jaehyun answers easily, tidies away the light clutter on the counter, washes the single cup and plate in the sink, wipes the dust off the counters, throws out the spoilt veggies in the fridge, resumes his coffee making. 

Somewhere, the bathroom perhaps, a window is open and the breeze carries in, rustling the white curtains of the balcony window. The silence has sunk into blanketing comfort and Jaehyun simultaneously sinks into it but also, like the too fond feelings that keep coming on strong with Taeyong in proximity, the easiness of it is uneasy. 

He’s grateful when Taeyong gets up from the floor and comes around to the kitchen, leaning over the island, chin rested on his knuckles as he observes Jaehyun working. The margin for gratitude immediately thins when Taeyong starts speaking. 

"Did you really take barista lessons?"

Jaehyun shakes the portafilter and tamps carefully. When he's done, he tries for the stony look Taeyong gave him earlier, "Does it not show?" 

"I don't know," Taeyong shrugs lazily, addressing Jaehyun from lowered lids and a veil of dark, thick lashes, "I would hate to assume you know what you're doing just because you look really hot while you're doing it." 

"Hyung," Jaehyun groans, applying excessive pressure to the tamper as his control slips, "do you want to drink this coffee soon or not?" He turns away, giving his back to Taeyong before he marches over there and kisses his unruly mouth shut.

Taeyong apparently doesn't feel like playing fair. He appears behind Jaehyun, standing close, so close his breath fans a circle on Jaehyun's tee, right between his shoulder blades, bull's eye. The exuding warmth of Taeyong's body behind him feels like the outline of a shadow, his own, and if Jaehyun sways— no, if Jaehyun stands a little straighter, he's sure their bodies will meet. 

Jaehyun wants it so bad. 

"I don't mind when we drink," Taeyong says and Jaehyun hates how steady his voice sounds, "as long as it's today." 

Jaehyun works away, careful, slow, precise, trying hard to be oblivious. But when Taeyong tiptoes to make Jaehyun's shoulder his personal chin rest and wraps his arms around Jaehyun's waist, head tucked into the crook of his neck, slow, careful and precise all go out through the window and Jaehyun's fingers betray him as tries to keep himself from fidgeting while he waits for the extraction. 

“You smell so good, did anyone tell you that?” Taeyong says into his Jaehyun’s nape and this time Jaehyun is sure Taeyong fills his shudder. He keeps his cool and continues working, choosing to give a barely audible hum in reply. 

"It's a bit draughty in your place, Jaehyunnie. It's rude to let your guests get cold." 

Jaehyun's imagining the husky layer in his voice. He has to be. 

But then Taeyong's distracting hands unfurl from Jaehyun's waist and crawl along his side until he's slowly slinking them up Jaehyun's forearm, fingers curling around Jaehyun's wrist and when Jaehyun speaks, he's proud of how he, too, can sound so steady when his pants are getting so tight, "I'm sure this coffee will warm you right up. I can get you a blanket, too.” 

"A blanket," Taeyong's fingers glide along Jaehyun's skin, "sure, we'll get under a blanket." 

Before Jaehyun can stop him or say another word, he swipes the freshly made espresso from Jaehyun's hand and throws it back. 

"Delicious," he hums, throaty and low, a flickr of pleasure written on his face, crema painted on his lips, and Jaehyun thinks, t _ hey've done it. The coffee has been had.  _ The coffee has been had so it wasn’t just a lure to get Taeyong here and anything that happens from here on out. . . 

Taeyong grunts when Jaehyun grabs him and walks him back until he's pushed up against the wall and when Jaehyun tilts his head up and presses their lips together, he sighs like he’s waited a lifetime for this. 

It's like the infection is back, except instead of ailing him with an urge to text Taeyong, it contaminates him with this need to never stop kissing him. He practised so much restraint at the bus stop to his place, and again on the ride as Taeyong chatted to him about his course and work placements and cases, and again, so, so close when they’d been alone in the elevator. 

But maybe Johnny's relentless sap is getting to him because he thinks, no, none of those moments would've been as perfect as now, would've felt like a balm to blazing wounds, as good as this moment when Taeyong clutches his waist and pulls him closer and kisses him with merciless fervour. 

"Hyung," he moans as Taeyong kisses him desperately, on his mouth, his throat, tugs down his shirt to suck kisses into his collarbones, hands wandering, hips rocking forward. 

"Hm," his fingers find their way into Jaehyun's hair and they dig in a grip that's felt but doesn't hurt, and Jaehyun continues trying to kiss Taeyong back, reaching what he can of his neck, shoulder, chin, "yes baby?" 

And that's enough. That's enough to send Jaehyun to his knees. He didn't know what he was aching for but the epiphany appears in his marrow like it had always been there. He presses his lips to Taeyong’s once more before he whispers, “Can I- can I suck you?” and Taeyong groans, Taeyong pushes his head down and Jaehyun slides down to the kitchen tiles without resistance and buries his face in Taeyong's groin, wanting— needing— desperately to suck Taeyong's cock. 

"Hyung," he says again, pulling at Taeyong's skintight jeans and together they fumble until it's peeled back far enough for Jaehyun to swallow the semi-hard cock. It’s on the smaller side but fills Jaehyun’s mouth well enough and Jaehyun thinks it should be illegal for a taste to already be so addicting. 

Taeyong lets out a guttural groan when Jaehyun starts moving his head and it's such a sight to behold that despite harsh angle on his spine, Jaehyun keeps his neck craned as he sucks, watching Taeyong's face, mouth, eyes, the parting of his lips, the tight shutting of his lids, the exquisite shuddering expression that crosses his face as he sucks in a breath through his teeth when Jaehyun takes him to the back of his throat with ease. 

Taeyong clutches the wall behind him, fingers scratching dry paint, hips lifting into Jaehyun's mouth as he vigorously tries to avoid fucking Jaehyun's mouth, though Jaehyun would let him, but Jaehyun also won't prompt him if he doesn't get desperate enough to go ahead without asking. There's a thrill again, in this, same way there was in eliciting Taeyong’s blush with all their clothes on, at the ability to have Taeyong's immediate pleasure in his palm, to be the one behind all those noises Taeyong is choking back.

Jaehyun thinks  _ fuck, I want to see him undone. Shit, I won't last either.  _

He can't quite decide if it's accidental or not when his teeth graze Taeyong's stiff, heavy balls but the contact alone seems to be enough because a second later Taeyong is shaking and coming on Jaehyun's face, most of it catching his lips (swallowed) and cheeks, and Taeyong soaks in the pleasure for a guilty second before he stares down at Jaehyun, aghast, taken aback by the abruptness of his orgasm too. 

"Jesus, Jaehyunnie," Taeyong scoops some of the come on Jaehyun's face with the side of his finger and Jaehyun smiles, a little bashful, a lot proud, from his place at Taeyong's knees. 

"I'm good, right hyung?" 

Taeyong chuckles and wipes his finger into his shirt before stroking Jaehyun's hair, "People who are good at things don't have to say they're good, you know," 

"Sure,  _ people. _ Not me. Right?" He licks at the fluid staining the corner of his mouth, making a show of swirling it in his mouth before gulping conspicuously, (doesn’t let himself think of the tinge of cherry he tastes in it). 

Taeyong's gaze darkens, his grip on Jaehyun's hair becomes a little painful, perhaps it’s a subconscious action because he doesn't ease up. "Let's see," Taeyong says, jutting his hips out a little and twisting his mouth in thought, "I'll tell you if you’re good, on one condition.” He sways a little on his heels so his shaft brushes Jaehyun's mouth, “Make me come. Again," he adds to Jaehyun's haughty eyebrow raise, “I want to come again.” 

Jaehyun rises slowly. He presses himself to Taeyong, letting Taeyong feel exactly how much desire he's been enduring. “Okay,” Jaehyun accepts, fingers gentle on Taeyong’s waist so he doesn’t betray how much harder he wants to hold him, how much the thoughts in his mind are making him so dizzy he’s so close to losing his sight to them entirely, “I’m going to fuck you, hyung. Okay? You're going to come on my cock this time. Okay?"

"Yes," Taeyong says, sounding the way he did when Jaehyun first kissed him, “Okay.” Eyes closed. Blissed out. “Yes. How do you want it, Jaehyunnie? On my knees? I can do that for you."

Jaehyun groans, almost punches the wall but picks up Taeyong instead, pulling him right into his lap even as they walk upright. "Are you always chatty? During sex?" 

"I thought you wanted to hear you're doing well," Taeyong chuckles.

"Haven't heard it yet."

"There you go. Come on, baby." 

Jaehyun doesn’t need any more encouragement. 

There’s barely presence of mind to take off their clothes, the farthest they get is pulling Taeyong’s leg wear all the way off and lowering Jaehyun’s. Jaehyun’s jeans chafe him as they move against each other, kissing, stroking, nails dragging, deeper kisses. Taeyong’s skin flushes like a shy flower under Jaehyun’s ministrations, his thighs so much fuller and smoother in Jaehyun’s hold than Jaehyun imagined. 

Jaehyun wants to kiss every inch, wants to bury his face between the soft, warm junction where it’s harder to breathe but so pleasant to be, but before he can linger Taeyong keeps tugging him back up like he needs Jaehyun’s kisses on his mouth to stay afloat. 

When Jaehyun pulls away to grab the lube under the pillow, Taeyong’s chewing on his lips, elbows around himself in a strange pose of self consciousness. Jaehyun pauses. 

“Do you want to stop?”

“Hm? No,” Taeyong opens his arms and Jaehyun shuffles closer, uncertain. “It’s just, you don’t need to prep me. I… didn’t anticipate this and this morning I… yeah,” Taeyong trails off with a shy laugh. 

Jaehyun, he blanks out for a second too long and when his mind catches up, he exhales a quiet, pained,  _ “oh,” _ , to which Taeyong hums and laughs softly. 

“Yeah, you can still… if you want to…” Taeyong wraps his fingers around Jaehyun’s and starts leading him slowly and Jaehyun can’t nod fast enough, can’t let his finger sink into Taeyong soon enough, and  _ shit, _ Taeyong was right, he’s so ready, there’s barely any resistance. 

But he adds another finger and another, and now there’s tightness and Taeyong’s light panting turning to gasps, short, quick inhales as he follows the motions of Jaehyun’s fingers, riding them, and the fact that Taeyong is letting him finger him just because he wants to, not because he needs it at all, Jaehyun could come with a touch. 

“Like this hyung,” Jaehyun murmurs, ears reddening, “Like this. I want to see your face." 

Taeyong chuckles but it sounds strained. “Sappy?” he says, and runs his fingers through Jaehyun’s hair, hips still moving. 

"No.” Jaehyun shakes his head quickly, lowers his face into Taeyong’s neck and murmurs, “I just want to see your face."

“Because..." Taeyong trails, setting a pattern of poking and prodding Jaehyun just shy of too far. But Jaehyun can’t find it in him to not indulge Taeyong and he doesn’t think too deeply of what it could mean. 

“Because.” He shoves his fingers a little deeper, bathing in Taeyong’s sharp gasp, “You're easy on the eyes. So pretty." 

"You're pretty yourself too."

Jaehyun lifts his head, beaming, “Yeah?" 

"Yeah." Taeyong nods, “Yeah,” and kisses him quiet, opens his legs wider. 

"Hyung," Jaehyun tries to keep his sounds to a minimum but he can’t help the cry once he’s buried inside Taeyong. 

Taeyong clutches onto his shirt. Unsatisfied, his fingers slide under to find hot skin, “Taeyong,” he corrects, “you haven’t said my name all day. I want to hear you say it, Jaehyunnie.”

"Hyun— Taeyong," Jaehyun catches himself, starts moving, feels a craze start to set in at the tightness, enveloping warmth. 

"That's it," 

"Taeyong,” he doesn’t want to be rough but he can’t hold back from snapping his hips hard, sending them inching up the bed, “Taeyongie,” 

Taeyong doesn’t mind, if anything his eyes get glassier, hazed, his hips pushing down to meet Jaehyun’s, “Yes, good boy,"

The praise makes Jaehyun’s hips stutter mid thrust, “Oh, ohhh,” but Taeyong wraps his legs around Jaehyun’s waist and pulls him back in to the hilt. 

"Yes, yes yes, so good, right there baby, right there,” he’s holding Jaehyun so close he’s almost hanging off him and Jaehyun feels so close, so hard, he wants to disappear into this feelings, this moment, into Taeyong.

“Hyung— Taeyong, oh my god,” 

“You good? Baby?” He must know what he’s doing to Jaehyun, squeezing around his cock like this, how could he be anything other than heaven? 

With his shirt they were too hurried to take off terribly tousled and his lips kissed so thoroughly and his hair stuck to his flushed, pretty face but also sticking out in the shape of Jaehyun’s fingers that found constant purchase there, with his eyes broken in with hazy pleasure yet so focused on Jaehyun, so keen, like Jaehyun’s pleasure is an extension of his own. How could he not know he’s nothing less than heaven?

"Hyung you're so—“ he chokes on a moan, on nothing, on the kiss Taeyong’s brushes on his cheek, "So hot," he manages to pant.  _ Beautiful, _ hyung you’re so  _ beautiful. _

"Are you close?"

Jaehyun replies by reaching between them and fisting Taeyong’s hard, wet cock, head buried in Taeyong’s shoulder again, the slick sound of skin pounding on sweaty skin filling the room along with their grunts and pants and muffled gasps of each other’s names. 

Taeyong bites Jaehyun’s neck when he comes and it sends Jaehyun headlong into his orgasm. He grabs Taeyong’s hips and thrusts, burying his come inside, and not even the guilt of forgetting to ask if he could come here dampens the star-studded pleasure. Taeyong’s sensitive groans are not lost on him, but he lets Jaehyun keep going until he’s done, until his hips eventually halt.

"Woah," Taeyong sighs, shifting under Jaehyun. 

The warmth and sweatiness is getting more uncomfortable than not but Jaehyun could not be spelled to move from this spot. Taeyong’s fingers are in his hair again and his eyes begin to droop. 

Sleepily, he mumbles, “Now are you going to admit I'm good?" 

He feels the vibrations of Taeyong’s laughter on his heated skin. 

"Good at what? Good at having good luck? Yes, it was good luck you almost dislodged my head from my shoulders." 

“You sound like my friend."

"How?"

"Hyung,” Jaehyun groans in protest, lifting his head to look at Taeyong, “do you really want to be talking about my friend right this moment?"

"Yes, enlighten me." Taeyong pulls at his cheeks like they’re dough instead of skin and Jaehyun wiggles out of his hold. “Relax Jaehyunnie,” Taeyong decides to wrap his arms around Taeyong’s neck, making them both groan as they hear a squelch, “your cock is still in me and your come is leaking out of me. I'm not thinking of anyone but you right now." 

God, is it possible to get hard so quickly again? He can’t keep the huskiness out of his voice when he asks, blushing bright, “Right now. And later?" 

"And later,” Taeyong pushes him away so he can sit up, it results in an obscene sound as Jaehyun slips out, but Taeyong continues, unfazed, he brushes Jaehyun’s matted hair from his face, “later I'll still be thinking about you when I ask you if you want to come to the shelter with me some time then pay for my coffee when we grab a bite. Did you think I was going to let you go after one time?” 

Jaehyun shrugs, but the answer is clear, “And I'll say yes." 

"Of  _ course _ you will." 

Snorting, he shoves Taeyong away lightly. Taeyong grins and sprawls out leisurely, watching as Jaehyun sheds the clothing he’d been too preoccupied to take off. The cool air feels much better on his skin and once again he feels like curling up with Taeyong and closing his eyes. He lies on his side, a little below Taeyong, and offers hushedly, "Johnny, my friend, he thinks fate is real."

Taeyong reaches out, caresses Jaehyun’s shoulder like he can’t keep his hands to himself, “What do you think?"

"If fate means this was inevitable then… maybe… yes. It's real."

"I think fate was working in its own way, yoghurt boy, and it manifests in many, many ways.” 

Jaehyun is about hum and close his eyes but suddenly the blood in his veins turns to ice. 

“What.” 

“I was wondering,” Taeyong says, trying to keep a straight face, but the laughter seeps into him with giggles and Jaehyun wants the mattress to sunder and swallow him up, “why your blushing ears tickled my brain so much. And then I remembered. Your ears were pinker than the yoghurt spilt all over you!” By this point, Taeyong is not giggling, he’s just cackling, and Jaehyun lies motionless, staring at the ceiling. 

New town, new name, new life. ASAP. 

Maybe a different continent altogether. 

“Jaehyun, Jaehyunnie! Are you with me? Aw, don’t cry.” 

Jaehyun grunts and pushes away Taeyong’s prying hands. He’s not crying but the embarrassment might pass him out. 

“Jaehyunnie,” Taeyong sings, now sitting on Jaehyun’s chest and Jaehyun doesn’t have much choice about keeping his eyes on a waist-down naked Taeyong who’s shamelessly leaking Jaehyun’s own come onto his navel. 

“You don’t have to be embarrassed, baby. I did so badly on a slide test that day and I laughed so hard when I got home. I laughed about it a lot, actually. You made me happy before I even knew you. Doesn’t that count for something?” 

Jaehyun grunts noncommittal again, but the happiness that starts to spread throughout him, from his limbs to his fingertips to the dense, dense spot on his chest that’s currently occupied, it’s inexplicable and overwhelming and Jaehyun reaches up suddenly and tackles Taeyong into a hug. 

Yes. Jaehyun likes Taeyong. He likes Taeyong so much. He’s not going to let this go without trying. 

He wraps himself around Taeyong and says, “Let’s nap.” 

Taeyong hugs him back, massages his waist and says flatly, “No. We are filthy.” 

“Ten minutes.”

"I know I told you you're cute, but if you don't get up and shower with me it's the last time this happens."

Jaehyun freezes. He doesn’t believe that. But— “Really?"

"Do you want to test it?"

"No..." he says weakly. 

Taeyong smirks. “Besides, I can show you my tattoos in there. You didn’t even take off my shirt.”

The lethargy vanishes from Jaehyun at once. He jumps up, Taeyong in his arms.

“Let’s go.” 

Taeyong's laughter echoes into the shower. 

**Author's Note:**

> hello again! if you made it this far, thank you sm for reading! i hope you liked it! 
> 
> • this is the peanut butter situation with yuta and sicheng: [here](https://twitter.com/AITA_reddit/status/1200752293311852544?s=20)  
> • come talk jaeyong to me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/miraclesnapril) or [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/miraclesnapril)? so many feels to discuss!!  
> • please anticipate more jy fics from me since i've fallen and i can't get up and i only know how to fixate haha! :D


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